Physics Conference

The physics conference was an experience. I didn't find it boring like going to church or as riveting like the discussion on politics; but in between. The people were as nice and very helpful. An example of their hospitality was when I arrived late to the conference, and missed registration. A nice gentleman helped me to get me up to speed on what was going to occur that night. I was even allowed to tag along and be a sidekick. Other things that made a positive impression were kind gestures. Men opening up doors (I did enjoy that) for me, people listen to my comments and being respected if I didn't know something. The simple things made the conference a welcome. I It felt ok to be naïve. And I get to do it again tomorrow.

Politics

A riveting conversation in the parking lot leaves me titillating for more. I just left one of the most interesting conversations of my entire life. It was about politics. Not just a blind following for voting for someone, but stuff with substance. The facts are that Cheney's old company is doing all the rebuilding in Iraq. He owns 44% of that company and is receiving 440 thousand dollars every mouth It seems too convent. These facts back up why they are voting for Kerry. They also had other dividing reasons they strongly dislike Bush. The conversation didn't lack in positive aspects about Bush and showed thought process and reasoning they chose their candidate. It sucked me in and I was hooked. I didn't want the conversation to end.

Search for something I found and lost

Have you ever wanted something to happen and it never does. I have been waiting for mouths and there is nothing. I start to loose hope. A sign is needed to show me otherwise, I don't want to give up… Have I been holding out for nothing? I wish I knew. I see signs that prove to the hopelessness. I don't know what to tell anymore. I need a definite sign, because I'm blind. If I don’t receive a sign then I must give in to my doubts. I would like a definite yes or no.

The people that can see all sides of a person's personality and appreciate it; they are the true individuals to value. It is deeper than physical surface and surface personality, but who they are. I thought I found that, an appreciation of someone’s soul. The good, the bad didn't matter, because it was who they were and you loved them for it. I only can hope to find it again.

Joyce is moving to Washington

I realized that my sister is going to be moving to Washington. This sudden realization came when I heard she was getting rid of her dogs to some place north of Chicago. She would never get rid of her dogs, because they were part of her family. Now I know she is really leaving. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew she was leaving, but I never understood what it meant. I’m finally revising I’m losing my big sister.

I always thought that I was going to be the one that moved away and not the other way around. I was going to go to Madison and leave. I would come home on the holidays and all would be the same. My dad and grandma stuck in there old messy ways. Joyce would still working at McDonald's and with another boyfriend or husband on her arm. She would have some kids and I would be the aunt. I would be the different and everything else would be the same. We would all coming home for the holidays. It looks like she will be the one to go. I will miss her terribly. She is my best friend.


I will need to be strong for her. I know she wants this badly. I don’t want her to go and worry about me. She needs to be free to go where she wants and live her life. I only hope she will be happy.

Guess where I’m going on Friday?

I’m going to the 60th annual Wisconsin Association of Physics Teachers meeting. The Meeting is going to be held on the 29th and the 30th of this mouth in Oshkosh. I will be a late registration, so I hope I can go. This will be a great conference to go to, because I want to eventually be a physics Professor in Madison. I want to learn, have fun and maybe make some new contacts. I am really eager to go. I don’t know what to except, but that comes with all new experiences. Till Friday, I will have to stay in bewilderment.

Revitalization Physicist

Since my dough's I have had revitalization in my belief in being physicist. I spent the following day in preparation getting the physics club ready. I finished the constitution and put up posters for the first meeting on the Monday. I also discussed some physics based sciences with my physics adviser, John Beaver, and my Physics professor, Carry Woodward. It helped me take my mind off the lack in my studies.

I have also tried to study at Java Knights. I have decided that Java Knights is the most opportune place to study. The atmosphere is contorting and I can fill my mind with caffeine so it is buzzing with activity. I think when I’m there. Tonight tI'lL see how tired I am after I get done with work and I might go.

Serious Doubts

This is the first time in my life that I have had serious doubts on what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I was sitting behind that camera and I felt like I was home. It was me. I don't know if it was the training or the love of the work. I am struggling in all of my classes and English is my easiest subject. I feel so far behind it isn't funny. I'm stressed out and tiered. I'm not happy I don't know if I should continue on my path or do something else

I'm don't feel inspired for physics. It is so hard and I'm not putting in the effort I need to. My grades are proof of that.
I think I'm doing it, because it is unattainable. I made a split second decision in the fourth grade to be a astronaut. This statement was recorded on audio tape and I almost feel obligated to fulfill it. I feel my word is important and if I say I will do something, I do it. This has it's draw backs, because I some times deeply regret my conformations.

What is the price for privacy?

What is the price for privacy? I have to ask that. The most frightening encounter just happened at 130 in the morning. I want/need privacy. A lock on my door for sure, and new place to live? For two hundred dollars a mouth I think it is worth it. My sister is remodeling her house and needs room mates, me, for when she moves to Washington. Think it is time I live on my own, because I can't live with the disturbance. About time I grow up and learn to live on my own. If I moved I have some rules for myself I need to be organized in everything and stay clean. Two, I need to save up for a computer and internet connection, because I can't keep coming home everything I need to do a report. If I did I might as well live here. I will need to save my three hundred dollars a mouth and prevent myself form spending. Food budget, I will set out a monthly allowance of 100 dollars for food and two hundred for the sisterly rate of rent. It will definitely be a learning experience to see what I can eat on a hundred dollars. I must do all of this before I/my sister moves out. The time is running short. Dad is in a hurry to complete the house, and Joyce wants to leave in December.

I wonder?

I wonder, is the speed of light constant? Einstein believed it was and his theories were based on this belief. I believe there needs to be another possibility that he missed? Moving at great amounts of speed can't be impossible, because if it is so this is the end of the attempt to look beyond the excepted norm. Is their away to get around E=mc^2. An alternative attempt at space travel is to warp the space the we pass through. Because the distance is shortened and the relative speed doesn't matter. What to do now? We seek over generations the ability to manipulate time and space for our own means. Our ancestors succeeded to get us here, Now we continue to raise the bar. The future generations go beyond our means. Now we need to speculate on everything and try to forward our knowledge.

Political Play on words

Why anyone would want to scream Bush


http://www.swensonfunnies.com/html/cynicpage.html

I hate writing

I hate writing. I can look at a paper I need to write for English class and I know it needs to be improved, but where. I don't know the first thing about English. The only thing I do know is, that it sucks. I write sentences that are dreadfully boring and are below my level of education. I revise and revise. Over the course of revision the language gets better but the comprehension gets worse. I can revise a paragraph for two hours and it is still incomprehensible. How can I improve in my initial writing so I don't need to revise so much. I think I should write paragraph and not revise. I will write as if I'm not on a compute, but on a typewriter. Think before I write. From Now on I will write and not revise. This is a scary thought, because it won't be pretty. It may be unrecognizable, but it is the only way I can think of practicing.

Java Nights

I like going to Java Nights. I went Java Nights, a late night cafeé, for the first time last night. It is a very pleasant place and they are open until 3 in the morning. The cappuccino is bottomless and the atmosphere is inviting. They serve hot food for at low cost and internet available for a low fee. I might take advantage of this amenity and use it to study. I think I could study there.

The Blog and my life

I don’t want to analyze me anymore. At every situation I analyze all my action and forget who I am. I don’t wish to do that anymore. I want to just be and what I write in this Blog hinders my abilities to move on. Why the things in my Blog hinders my life. My life is like this Blog. I pour all my thoughts into the Blog I and then analyze it. This causes me to continue to think about my past. Every time I analyze my Blog I analyze my thoughts in my life. So I need to write about new things in my Blog and prevent me from thinking of the past.
I want to move on. I want to just live. I hope to start by writing about new things and prevent old thoughts from resurfacing. The new will be on the things I do everyday. I won't analyze the old thoughts, but take in the new information. All the information will be put in my Blog.

The Munny

Why I don't want to go as a Mummy for Halloween!

www.swensonfunnies.com/cynicbook2/cynicpage61.html

I’m tired of being the idiot!

I miss teaching my knowledge, because in collage everyone knows everything. I feel like the idiot. I can’t express what I have learned, because everyone already knows what I know. The worst thing is that everyone knows much more than me and all I say means nothing. I want amazed others in my grasp of a subject, but they know everything ten times better than me. How can I teach if no one will listen?

Thoughts on the past

I need to stop dwelling on the past and focus on the future. I have thoughts that keep running around in my head and they keep me in the past. I feel I need to stop thinking of such things as they are impossible. I will try to improve myself and my future and leave the past alone.

The past is impossible to change and if I could change it I wouldn't. I wouldn't know what the end results would be and if they were desirable. The alternate universe might be what I want, but I never struggled to get it. I wouldn't know the negatives in the sea of positives. The ability to change it would be futile.

Not your Grandfather Checking Account Any More

I want to inform every one of the new checking account changes. I feel this is important because they are going to be able to withdraw checks sooner and mistakes can be made. It is important to look for mistakes. I found one about two weeks ago. My check was sent through twice. It was sent through the normal way and it was sent through electronically. I was lucky it was only a five dollar check, the consequences were minimal. The fact is that a mistake was made and it can happen to you. Check you statement and check it often, because it can happen to you. It may be more than a five dollar pain, but a twenty-eight dollar aggravation

To Achieve Greatness

I think I’m made from something great, but I now only understand I need to be something great to achieve my greatness. I understand I’m nothing great right now. I need to work at becoming something great. I can’t be concerned with frivolous thing that divert my attention from my true destiny. Physics and calculus need to be my only attention diverters, because they will get me somewhere. I can only find happiness in working for what I want. I want to be a physicist! I will never get board, because it will always be a challenge. There is so much out there to learn, that I will not know it all.

I will learn about the relationship between mass and energy and continue to expand on Einstein’s theory of relativity. I want to continue his work and hopefully go to space. Through study can bring us close to the true goal of exploration. His use of abstract thinking got us to where we are today. I must use abstract thinking to try to get half as far. (For all that my not know Calculus and Physics is pure abstract thought). I need to increase my use of abstract thought to succeed. This persistent girl will continue Einstein’s research. Where this brings me I don’t know, but I will succeed.

Considerations

There are people that don't consider the feelings of others in their decisions. One example is my sister, because she does everything without thinking. She considers herself first and other people second. She had the idea of watching movies at my house and brought a friend over to join her. She was very presuming in believing that I would go happily along with her. I wasn't pleased. I had homework to do and tests to study for. I knew movie night was a bad idea and I tried to giver excuses to not come. She didn't listen and persisted until I said gave in. She drove out to my house and on my way out to my house I thought about what had occurred. I knew I didn't have the time for fun. As soon as we met up at my house, I told her flat out that I didn't have time for this. She could watch one movie, but after that she had to go. Her plans were interrupting my life. She didn't take to kindly to my firmness and got angry. Her supposed reason for her anger was, because I had not said no at McDonald's. She never would have accepted no if I had said it.

I feel the real reason for her anger is, because she loves to be in control and gets angry when she isn't in control. Her huffing off in anger was, because she was no longer in control.

Sinful chocolate

Chocolate creates sinful thoughts. This week, I have started to eat chocolate on a regular bases and it has caused some interesting side-effects. This isn't any of the ordinary Hershey's or M&M, but the good stuff. This stuff is made with real coco beans. Eating it has caused startling results, to say the least. It is root some altered thoughts. My thinking is trying to seduce me and create thoughts that are well above the G rating. If you know what I mean. I don't wish to shock the reader so; I must leave it up to your imagination. I tend to want to blush when my imagination runs feral, because they are so pleasantly vivid. My thoughts have taken on a life of their own. You can ask what shames me, but I may never tell. I'm not upset with my wondering, but I never imagined I could think such things! I don't know if I should stop my thoughts, but I don't want to. I want to eat my sinful chocolate.

I can only be me and I’m not perfect.

I can only be me and I’m not perfect. I have tons of flaws and I do everything wrong. I’m completely unorganized and have the worst grammar in the world. I can only be me and this me has flaws. I can only hope to recognize the flaws I can change and accept the one’s I can not. I must know my flaws are part of me and I need to be happy for who I am.

The thought process

I know someone who is a complete mystery to me and I want to figure them out. I don’t know why I want to figure them out, but I want to. I am a logical person and I see everything in an analytical way and I think I should be able to analyze everything. This person makes no sense to me and any attempt to analyze them doesn’t appear to work. I don’t know what I can do about it?

How can I deal with my wonder? Maybe I should try understanding and give up on analyzing. I still wonder what is in their complex cluster of neurons, but I might want to give up on that and try to understand who they are. They are a person and people are not always logical. I must accept my wonder an move on from there.